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What the #&*@ Did I Just Watch?

In a blurred drunken stupor, a Kanye West stumbles through a night club making awkward conversation with everyone within vomiting distance. I’d say the real miracle was his ability to focus long enough to make whoopee with a supermodel for 20 seconds.

'Death' of Auto-Tune: Probably not what Jay-Z had in mind

But Kanye wakes up and discovers the sexual encounter was all a dream and and was dry-humping a pillow the entire time. This self-destructive romp ultimately leads him puking rose-petals, spraying Ragu tomato sauce from his stomach and removing a tiny creature from his body. Man, I miss college.

Kanye's Blood Type

“We Were Once a Fairytale” is a 14 minute short film directed by Spike Jonze. And yes, he’s the same guy who directed the recent film “Where the Wild Things Are“. This Kanye/Jonze collaboration debuted on June 25th 2009 at the Los Angeles Film Festival.

What’s with the little seppuku-committing Master Splinter muppet at the end?

You go first

The meaning behind the video is open for interpretation. Does the creature symbolize the demons that claw at Kanye’s insides and  inhabit his very existence?  Does the removal and destruction  of the demon symbolize the death of Kanye’s old arrogant ways?  Or maybe the rodent’s  lease on his lower abdomen expired and Kanye needed to make room for the  giant tape worm that’s moving in next month?

What song is in this video?

See You in My Nightmares (featuring Lil Wayne)

Why’d Kanye take it down from his site?

On October 19th, Kanye was mysteriously ‘forced’ to take the official video down from his blog. “SORRY I HAD TO TAKE IT DOWN : (“. According to a Rolling Stone interview, Spike Jonze had the link pulled because it was still in the editing process.  Hopefully this means that an official, higher quality version will be available in the future.

Behind the Scenes

Here’s hilarious footage of director Spike Jonze who is apparently fed up with Kanye West’s text-messaging habit:

Behind the Scenes With Kanye from We Love You So on Vimeo.

1. Make a Powerful “Hello”

Right off the bat, you know this guy means business.  Make a strong visual impression on your homepage.  Bold imagery is like the muscle soreness you would feel after a  mid-air handshake with Mr. Olympia. You’ll remember the experience long after it’s over.

I was once in a bar chatting about manly things like monster trucks, BBQ and chopping firewood, but somehow the topic of web blogs came up.  Someone tried recalling a website but couldn’t think of  the name.  All he  remembered  was that it had a ‘cool red image in the header with vector graphics’. So I pulled out my ipod touch to access the internet & he was able to recognize the site by the thumbnail alone.

The lesson: use bold or unique graphics to make a powerful and memorable first impresssion.

In real meet n' greet situations you can take the handshake advice literally- to an extent. Don't pop a blood vessel. A firm, confident handshake will do. It's also probably a good idea to not call someone you just met a 'sunuhva bitch'.

2. Focus: Don’t Try to Mow Down the Entire Rainforest

Is this scene the squad goes completely berserk & tries to kill one enemy by tearing down the entire forest with a fusillade of bullets and grenades.  The result: “we hit nothing”.

It’s tempting to think you can market your web product or service to everyone within shooting distance.   However, if you’re unfocused and indiscriminately try to market your site or product to EVERYONE, you’ll just end up wasting time & ammunition (money).  Yes it’s a numbers game, but work within a specific segment.

Remember niche marketing? Focus on a primary audience. Consider branching out later on.

3. Embrace Catchphrases

Action heroes like Arnold deliver famous one-liners & memorable quotes.  Even if the phrase is corny or consists of only 3 syllables, people will still remember them.

Devote time to penning an appropriate slogan or catch-phrase that represents your project.  Be sure to include it in all related material such as press-releases, articles, stationary, website taglines, etc.

Make it simple, memorable and easy to understand even if delivered in a thick Austrian accent.

4. Be Honest: Don’t Cook Up a Story & Drop Us in a Meat Grinder

So you hid dah link in a TinyURL & sent me dat lame Rick Astley video?! What year is dis, 2007?

In this scene,  Dutch discovers that Major George Dillon was dishonest about the mission premise. “So you cooked up a story and dropped the six of us in a meatgrinder?”  Translation:  Maj. Dillon lied to get him here.

Link-baiting is the fine art of inspiring someone to click on link.  But there’s a difference between a catchy headline & an outright lie. Yes, you want people to visit your site, but you don’t want to anger them either.

If you’re reading this article it’s probably because you wondering what web marketing and Predator have in common.  Hey, I’m fulfilling my end of the bargain by making marketing metaphors fit scenes from an 80’s sci-fi action flick.  It’s not like I named it “Naked Pictures of the Predator”.  That would sound like an enticing link, it’s not what the article is about. Well, technically the Predator IS naked, minus the mask and shoulder mounted laser canon (jotting down this idea for future blog entry).

Anyway, power-internet users are getting smarter & can spot a viagra ad from a mile away.  And if you do successfully trick someone into clicking your link, you’ll only breed negative feelings towards your company.

Be creative but keep your links honest.

5. Announce When You’re Ready

After constructing a series of hair-trigger booby traps &  assembling exploding banana leaves, Dutch puts on his mud warpaint.  He then lights giant torch and belts out a primal scream. Dutch wasn’t warming up his vocal chords for a final musical sing-a-long.  He was telling the Predator that he was ready to throw down.

Take time and prepare your product (80’s training montage optional). When you’re ready, release your own Tarzan scream through various communication outlets such as phone, email, online networks & in person.

6. Reveal Yourself

Show the world your gorgeous mug

Recently companies have been encouraging employees to communicate with customers through twitter accounts.  This allows costumers to see that you’re not just a cold-hearted faceless corporate entity- you have actual humans running the machine.  For example, George from Magix software noticed that I tweeted about Magix Movie Edit Pro.  He messaged me and asked to see my final movie!

Now, you don’t necessarily need to make a social networking account to prove you are human. You also don’t need to look like a movie star. A simple biography and tasteful photograph in the ‘about us’ section of your website will suffice.

A webcam headshot & a mini bio can make your company seem more 'human'.

7. Invite People to Follow You

Come on! Click me! I'm here! Come on! Do eet now aadafsd;f!1!

In this famous scene, Dutch frantically screams & flails, inviting  the Predator to enter his trap.

Be like Dutch and invite people to ‘follow’ you.  This can be done through mailing lists, RSS feeds, facebook fan pages or twitter.  Additionally, you can encourage users to comment on blog entries or participate on a company related message board.  The idea is to extend yourself to our audience and keep them updated.

8. Be Prepared at All Entry Points

Our site needs more hits

During the climax of the final fight scene, the Predator slyly bypasses the front entrance of Dutch’s trap.  Luckily Dutch was prepared for infiltration through any entry point.

Your visitors  discover your content in different ways and won’t  always walk through your main entrance or homepage.  For instance,  a direct link to one specific product may be circulating on twitter. What if they want to see other products?  What if  they would prefer to order on the phone and need to find the hotline?

Be sure to provide universal access to core functionalities on every page.  If you’re an e-commerce site, you’ll want the shopping cart and special promotions visible everywhere.  If you’re a blog site you may want popular article links on display.

Great! Now should be ready to comb the internet  jungle and hunt-down your customer.

Want to exhaust this ridiculously awesome metaphor even more? I’m inviting you to make a comment below. DO EET NOW! WHADYA WAITING FOR?!?! IT’S RIGHT HERE!!!!!

So, a couple months ago I paid tribute to the great Michael Jackson by compiling a video of my favorite rap songs that sample his music. Enjoy & share with other Michael Jackson fans!

Bonus:
Michael Jackson’s song, P.Y.T. Pretty Young Thing  samples Carl Carlton’s ‘She a Bad Mama Jama’

Want More Samples?
Ever hear a new song a wonder if it’s been sampled? Well you’re in luck! Your question can be answered here: http://www.whosampled.com/
It’s basically the ultimate online database of sampled music and song covers.

• Seven University Homepage Tips
• Five Design ‘Spoilers’
• FREE PSD template for your designing pleasure

To  illustrate our points we’ll be using the homepage for University of Val Verde, a  fictional institution  that would have existed in the the 80’s blockbuster action-flick, COMMANDO, starring  Arnold Schwarzenegger.  I had to shrink the image down to fit the  blog area,  so click on the image for a bigger view.  I’ll wait here. GO! DO EET NOW!!

Oh and any resemblance to a North Carolina-based public institution of higher learning is strictly intentional. In fact, the whole template is based on the forthcoming redesign of unc.edu. This post is a tribute to the hard working men and women working to bring you a better homepage. But I also like Schwarzenegger flicks, so I’m gonna slap some action-movie stuff on it.

Apply Today! Your application will be mailed to you.. in pieces.

1. Show Off

Also ranked #1 Spring Break Destination for moustached super-villians

Boast about your university’s latest accomplishments! This will attract prospective students & inspire alumni to donate to your institution. Speaking of which..

2. Provide an Easy way to Donate

You the best thing I like about this school? THE PRICE.

Let’s face it, sometimes your alumni will miss your constant newsletters, emails, phone-calls & spaghetti dinners. Give them yet another chance to donate by providing a prominent donation button on the main page.

3. Deep Navigation

2016 Olympic hopefuls

When you design for any giant entity like a university, you just KNOW everyone will want a piece of the homepage. It’s prime real estate. It’s of course impossible to have EVERY department represented on the homepage, but you can provide links to the general department and allow the user to navigate his or her way through. Just make sure the sub-pages are layered logically. For instance: athletics>  men’s sports > winter sports > spring-board lawn diving team

4. Big Scannable Blocks

Canceled? Oh good, now I have time to attend my 7:30 Karate class

If you’re designing a homepage for a gigantic organization, be prepared to serve a diverse audience: prospective students, sports enthusiasts, researchers, alumni, job-seekers, one man armies that will stop at nothing to rescue his daughter from the clutches of a Freddie Mercury stunt-double.  Therefore, you’ll want want to cluster information in neatly organized, scannable blocks. Ok, firefox’s auto-spell check is telling me ’scannable’ isn’t a real word, but I promise the concept is real. Basically, your users should be able to look up and down the page and find what they want with minimal cognitive activity.

5. Get Visitors Involved! ( TOTALLY OPTIONAL)

"YOU HAVE 24 HOURS TO UPDATE OUR MYSPACE PAGE"

I was gonna leave this one off the list, but I figured I should include it since a lot of schools are doing it now. Plus 7 is a nicer number for a list.  Anyways, throw in some hip cutting edge ways to connect with your university by setting up official pages on trendy websites.  Again, it’s optional and I wouldn’t make this a priority unless the El Presidente demands it at gun point.

6.FAQ’s and Technical Details in the Footer

Some visitors will want just the cold hard facts: What is the university phone number? Where is IT services building? Where is the president’s secret underground lair/furnace room?

7. Search Box

Whut's Een Dis?

Some users don’t want to be bothered with fancy navigation. Just give ‘em a search box.

Fantastic! By now you’re ready to revamp your school’s homepage. If you like surprises, stop reading now. If you’d like to know what lies ahead of you, read the spoilers below.

Caucasian, Latin, Austrian, African-American & Flaming Homosexual

SPOILER ALERTS:

• Not everyone’s gonna be happy- compromise, you’re gonna compromise… a lot.
• Someone WILL ask to make the school logo bigger. Deny them referencing university standards,  universally accepted design laws & showing them other school’s pages
• Unless you’re some crazy artsy school, you MUST portray your university homepage like a credible institution (no giant pictures of grenades, sorry).
• You’ll always have a ton of links, no matter what.
• Stock images must contain representatives of every major ethnic group
• The department with the most $ gets higher priority

Val Verde University PSD File (8.5 mb)

Even if you’ve finalized test objectives with your development team, re-read About Face by Alan Cooper &  rehearse in front of your goldfish. You may still feel like you’re forgetting something. Don’t worry! Here are 9 tips to ensure you get the most out of your first usability test.

1. Print out a Script

Stick to your printed script but don't be afraid to improvise

No need to commit the entire test to memory. Even seasoned professionals bring scripts to ensure they meet all the legal requirements and hit all the testing objectives. Your script doesn’t necessarily need to be a line-for-line print out. If you read directly off the page, you’ll sound like a robot. If you have no plan at all, it will seem like you are ‘winging’ the whole test. Your tests will vary, but here are some items you should include:

• Welcome participant
• Brief user on the testing format
• Read over any non-disclosure & confidentiality agreements and have user sign them
• Test prototypes
• Ask wrap-up questions
• Thank participant
• Give user their incentive ($, gift certificate, etc.)
• Thank them again

2. Bring a Notebook & Pencil

I recommend taking notes the old fashion way: paper and pencil.

• It ’s awkward to take notes & test software simultaneously on the same computer.
• Two computers are awkward
• Taking notes via BlackBerry or iPhone can be distracting. You may find yourself inadvertently staring at your mobile device screen instead of watching your user

3. Relax & Be Yourself

There's a fine line between 'relaxed' and 'too relaxed'

This sounds like first-date advice, but it’s important that both parties are relaxed. So be yourself. By being yourself, I don’t mean you should put your feet on the table and perform your best Andrew Dice Clay impersonation. Act professional, but remember to be human. You can even start off with some small talk about the weather. The point is to build rapport so the user will be willing to open up and give useful feedback.

4. Reminder: “You Won’t Be Graded”

I find it’s important to reiterate that we’re testing the software, not the user. This statement encourages the user to perform tasks naturally and not the way they ‘think it should be done’.

5. Play Good Cop, Bad Cop

Go ahead & criticize our software. We won't slam your head against the table. Honest!

Express empathy and tell the user you’re “working on their side” to make their life easier.  Some testers may curb their criticisms because they fear they will “hurt your feelings” if they think you’ve worked on building a program.  Whether it’s true or not, you may want to tell the user you’re testing the “other programmer’s” work.  Encourage the tester to be brutally honest.

6. Encourage the User to “Talk Out Loud”

Encourage the user to narrate their actions, vocalizing the motivation behind their clicks. At first, the user may find talking out loud awkward or even a little humorous- And that’s ok! I have found that once you give testers permission to express their ideas, they become very passionate. So let them talk..

7. But keep them on task

Keep Your User Focused

Sometimes the user will stray far off course. Their rant may lead to insights you never considered. However, use good judgment and bring the user test back on course if you feel its been derailed for too long.

8. Keep Track of Time

Believe it or not, research time can fly by quickly. You have a live user with you! Make the most of this opportunity before you report your findings the development team. Also, remember that you compensated your user for a specific amount of time.

9. Thank them

We pay our testers by the pound. Sorta like..Tuna

Thank your user and give them their money!

Access to a Bigger Pool of Users

What I would give for a Baby Ruth bar right now

If you’re designing software for a specific group that is scattered across a geographic region, you may want to consider user testing. For example, you may have limited access to meaningful subjects if you live on frat row in a college town and the software is designed for middle-aged soccer moms.

Cost

This is the advantage management loves to see. How much will this cost? This will require some number crunching on your part, but you can potentially save money if it’s too expensive to physically meet with your subject. Let’s say you are designing software for a bank located in Rio De Janeiro but there’s no money in the budget for travel. Instead of paying the airfare, hotel & other travel related costs, you can conduct research via phone & internet tools.

Observe Users in Their ‘Natural Habitat’

Some guy in his natural habitat

The term ‘user research’ often conjures images of two way mirrors, camera tripods hanging in sterile white walls, and scientists in lab coats scribbling notes on clipboards. These methods certainly work in many cases, but let’s face it- it’s tough to accurately recreate a ‘real-life’ scenario in a lab.

Real Distractions
When a user is REALLY using your software, he or she will be bombarded with other distractions- phone calls, background noise, instant messages, that guy from accounting that can’t take “no” for an answer and insists on dropping by the office every morning to “see how you’re doing”. This is a great opportunity to see how the user handles your applications in an office environment. Is it easy for them to resume a task? Or did they become completely lost and need to “start over”?

Which icon do I click to redeem my free Nintendo Wii?

Real Computers
When conducting a remote user test, we have the chance to see users interact with software on their native machines. This means, the users will be operating in a familiar environment, instead of a computer station in a testing facility they’ll be using their operating system, their desktop shortcuts, their bookmarks, etc. Software testing proves more meaningful if the user is interacting with their own files. For example, if your software application involves uploading personal photos or organizing documents, you can see how the user interacts with and manages real documents.

Instant Back & Forth Dialog

When a physical visit is no longer an option, remote testing is a great way to receive instant feedback. An online survey can be useful, but a real-time online session provides the opportunity for a back-and-forth dialog and deep discussions.

Get (More) Honest Feedback

I FOUND YOUR SOFTWARE VERY ADEQUATE AND WOULD DEFINITELY RECOMMEND IT TO A FRIEND OR CO-WORKER

Now, you CAN say that you can observe a person in their natural habitat via contextual inquiry or ’shadowing’- and you’d be right. However, we all know that subjects tend to act differently when they’re under observation. Even after you build trust and assure them they won’t be ‘graded’ they feel they need to be on their best behavior.

This also means they may also censor their feedback because they “don’t want to say anything mean” to your face. With remote testing, the user won’t be as likely to hold back on negative feedback, since you’re just a voice over the telephone (when’s the last time you felt bad about telling a telemarketer to go jump in a lake?) People have no problem being brutally honest when the tester isn’t in the same room.

I’m Convinced! How Do I Get Started?!

There are many remote user testing software tools available for download. Here are factors to consider when choosing a tool:

• How do I plan on talking with the user? Phone? Computer Microphone?
• How will I see the user’s screen?
• How will I take notes?
• Do I need to record audio or video from this testing session?
• Does my a company already have a license with a remote usability tool?

Links to Some Collaboration Tools

• Adobe Connect
• Uservue
• GoToMeeting
• WebEx
• Skype
• IChat
• Yuuguu

Further Reading

http://escapethelab.com/
http://remoteusability.com/

For some psychological reason, users enjoy the idea of ‘completeness’.

OMG It's like I'm about to finish a software tutorial!

Progress can be visually represented in various ways such as progress bars & checkmarks.

The Benefits:

• Users learn the full breadth of your services
• Customer service questions might answered during exploration
• Encourage activity with existing users or invite new users
• Opportunities to show more ads or help users upgrade to premium account

The idea of incremental progress is nothing revolutionary-  but it’s simple and satisfying.  Here are three sites that use progress bars and reward systems to get new users acquainted.

GetDropBox

Ahh green check marks smell like a fresh can of tennis balls

GetDropbox.com
This file management system’s ‘Getting Started’ page allows users to explore various features in a non-linear fashion. Also, make note of their creative way of displaying progress: an empty box that fills as you meet objective.

User Reward: Green checkmarks & bonus 250 extra storage. Oh and for every friend that signs up, you ANOTHER 250 MB of space
Company Reward: More users to potentially upgrade to premium account.

Oh and by the way

Feels good, doesn't it?

LinkedIn

25% complete but 100% man

Linkedin.com
This professional networking site helps job-seekers connect with companies and employers find reliable workers with non-sketchy pasts.

User Reward: A more complete profile lends you more credibility as a professional. In fact, LinkedIN claims “Users with complete profiles are 40 times more likely to receive opportunities through LinkedIn”. The final task is to ask a recommendation from a colleague. Nothing like personal endorsement to ‘up’ your value.
Company Reward: It’s a free service for employees, so the more users that sign up the more they can sell sidebar advertisements.

Reverb Nation

13% on your way to be an internet rock star

Reverbnation.com
On this site, a complete profile benefits the band, who presumably wants to reach more fans. Tasks include uploading mp3s, band photos, filling out biographies

Reward for User: (potentially)Connect with more fans!!
Reward for Company: More people to see banner ads and potentially more premium account upgrades

Like Finishing that Last Piece of Cake

A local installation of WordPress will allow you to make changes more rapidly, since you won’t have to deal with uploading files to a remote server.  Also,  you probably won’t want visitors to stumble upon your site while you’re building it.  In general, its never a good idea to have people wander around a construction zone while you’re hammering away.

Installing your own server on Windows is a lot easier than it sounds, even if you’re new to Wordpress Development.   There are four big steps:

• Install WAMP
• Create a database in WAMP
• Install WordPress
• Connect WordPress to that database you just created

Install WAMP

1. Start by downloading WAMP (Windows Apache, MySQL and PHP)

2. Install WAMP with all the default settings

3. Double Click the WampServer icon on your Desktop

4. A meter icon should appear in the bottom right corner of your desktop toolbar/system tray/whatever its called

5.  If the icon doesn’t turn white after a few seconds, LEFT CLICK on the icon and click “Put Online”

6.  Access phpMyAdmin by LEFT CLICKING the meter icon. This will open up an internet browser window

Create a New Database

From the homepage you can create a new database.  You can name it what you want. Press “Create”.

1.  Congrats! You now have a new database. Now, you’ll have assign a ‘user’ to your new database.  Start by clicking on Home in the upper left corner. Then click Privileges

2. Click Add a New User .

3. Now you get to set the new user  login information.  For host, select Local. Set your password. Leave all the Global Privileges default. Jot down your username and password (you’ll need this in a few minutes). Click Go.

4.  Ok, now we just need to set the user privileges and we’ll be  good to go.  Click on the Privileges tab. Find the username you just created and click on the Check Privileges icon.

Click the tin icon of the man and pencil

My database is shakawuwu

5. Hang in there! We’re almost done! In the database specific privileges section go to the Add privileges to the following database dropdown & choose the database you just created. Look out, your page will automatically refresh.

6. Select all privileges y clicking Check all and finally hit Go.

Install WordPress

1. Now that the semi-complicated stuff is done, it’s business as usual. Grab a copy of WordPress.

2. Extract the files to you WAMP directory. For me, it was c:\wamp\www.  You can reach your directory by clicking on ‘www directory’, as shown below:

Configure WordPress

1. Open up the wp-config-sample.php from your wordpress directory
2. Remember all that work you did creating a database, username and password? It’s all about to pay off. Substitute those values in the wp-config-sample.php file:

hint: 'putyourdbnamehere', 'usernamehere', 'yourpasswordhere', leave 'localhost' the same

Congrats! You did it!

Now open up that fresh can of WordPress and start designing some bad ass websites!