Who knew that a 1987  movie about a bad-ass team of elite soldiers fighting an alien head hunter in a South American jungle was actually a textbook lesson in web marketing for the year 2009? In this article, I’ll use scenes from The Predator to illustrate tips to help you market your website.

1. Make a Powerful “Hello”

Right off the bat, you know this guy means business.  Make a strong visual impression on your homepage.  Bold imagery is like the muscle soreness you would feel after a  mid-air handshake with Mr. Olympia. You’ll remember the experience long after it’s over.

I was once in a bar chatting about manly things like monster trucks, BBQ and chopping firewood, but somehow the topic of web blogs came up.  Someone tried recalling a website but couldn’t think of  the name.  All he  remembered  was that it had a ‘cool red image in the header with vector graphics’. So I pulled out my ipod touch to access the internet & he was able to recognize the site by the thumbnail alone.

The lesson: use bold or unique graphics to make a powerful and memorable first impresssion.

In real meet n' greet situations you can take the handshake advice literally- to an extent. Don't pop a blood vessel. A firm, confident handshake will do. It's also probably a good idea to not call someone you just met a 'sunuhva bitch'.

2. Focus: Don’t Try to Mow Down the Entire Rainforest

Is this scene the squad goes completely berserk & tries to kill one enemy by tearing down the entire forest with a fusillade of bullets and grenades.  The result: “we hit nothing”.

It’s tempting to think you can market your web product or service to everyone within shooting distance.   However, if you’re unfocused and indiscriminately try to market your site or product to EVERYONE, you’ll just end up wasting time & ammunition (money).  Yes it’s a numbers game, but work within a specific segment.

Remember niche marketing? Focus on a primary audience. Consider branching out later on.

3. Embrace Catchphrases

Action heroes like Arnold deliver famous one-liners & memorable quotes.  Even if the phrase is corny or consists of only 3 syllables, people will still remember them.

Devote time to penning an appropriate slogan or catch-phrase that represents your project.  Be sure to include it in all related material such as press-releases, articles, stationary, website taglines, etc.

Make it simple, memorable and easy to understand even if delivered in a thick Austrian accent.

4. Be Honest: Don’t Cook Up a Story & Drop Us in a Meat Grinder

So you hid dah link in a TinyURL & sent me dat lame Rick Astley video?! What year is dis, 2007?

In this scene,  Dutch discovers that Major George Dillon was dishonest about the mission premise. “So you cooked up a story and dropped the six of us in a meatgrinder?”  Translation:  Maj. Dillon lied to get him here.

Link-baiting is the fine art of inspiring someone to click on link.  But there’s a difference between a catchy headline & an outright lie. Yes, you want people to visit your site, but you don’t want to anger them either.

If you’re reading this article it’s probably because you wondering what web marketing and Predator have in common.  Hey, I’m fulfilling my end of the bargain by making marketing metaphors fit scenes from an 80’s sci-fi action flick.  It’s not like I named it “Naked Pictures of the Predator”.  That would sound like an enticing link, it’s not what the article is about. Well, technically the Predator IS naked, minus the mask and shoulder mounted laser canon (jotting down this idea for future blog entry).

Anyway, power-internet users are getting smarter & can spot a viagra ad from a mile away.  And if you do successfully trick someone into clicking your link, you’ll only breed negative feelings towards your company.

Be creative but keep your links honest.

5. Announce When You’re Ready

After constructing a series of hair-trigger booby traps &  assembling exploding banana leaves, Dutch puts on his mud warpaint.  He then lights giant torch and belts out a primal scream. Dutch wasn’t warming up his vocal chords for a final musical sing-a-long.  He was telling the Predator that he was ready to throw down.

Take time and prepare your product (80’s training montage optional). When you’re ready, release your own Tarzan scream through various communication outlets such as phone, email, online networks & in person.

6. Reveal Yourself

Show the world your gorgeous mug

Recently companies have been encouraging employees to communicate with customers through twitter accounts.  This allows costumers to see that you’re not just a cold-hearted faceless corporate entity- you have actual humans running the machine.  For example, George from Magix software noticed that I tweeted about Magix Movie Edit Pro.  He messaged me and asked to see my final movie!

Now, you don’t necessarily need to make a social networking account to prove you are human. You also don’t need to look like a movie star. A simple biography and tasteful photograph in the ‘about us’ section of your website will suffice.

A webcam headshot & a mini bio can make your company seem more 'human'.

7. Invite People to Follow You

Come on! Click me! I'm here! Come on! Do eet now aadafsd;f!1!

In this famous scene, Dutch frantically screams & flails, inviting  the Predator to enter his trap.

Be like Dutch and invite people to ‘follow’ you.  This can be done through mailing lists, RSS feeds, facebook fan pages or twitter.  Additionally, you can encourage users to comment on blog entries or participate on a company related message board.  The idea is to extend yourself to our audience and keep them updated.

8. Be Prepared at All Entry Points

Our site needs more hits

During the climax of the final fight scene, the Predator slyly bypasses the front entrance of Dutch’s trap.  Luckily Dutch was prepared for infiltration through any entry point.

Your visitors  discover your content in different ways and won’t  always walk through your main entrance or homepage.  For instance,  a direct link to one specific product may be circulating on twitter. What if they want to see other products?  What if  they would prefer to order on the phone and need to find the hotline?

Be sure to provide universal access to core functionalities on every page.  If you’re an e-commerce site, you’ll want the shopping cart and special promotions visible everywhere.  If you’re a blog site you may want popular article links on display.

Great! Now should be ready to comb the internet  jungle and hunt-down your customer.

Want to exhaust this ridiculously awesome metaphor even more? I’m inviting you to make a comment below. DO EET NOW! WHADYA WAITING FOR?!?! IT’S RIGHT HERE!!!!!

Promote Post